Opposite to Emotion Action

Do you ever have the urge to medicate away your feelings of stress or tension?  "Medication" can be any action or substance that serves to get rid of unwanted or uncomfortable emotions.  Drinking alcohol, using drugs, over-shopping, over-indulging in foods, starving yourself, self-harm....all are ways of dealing with painful emotions.  They are effective in the short-term and that's why some of us keep repeating unhealthy behaviors.  The problem, though, is that these responses make life worse in the long-term.  They can lead to consequences such as addiction, debt, health problems and even death.  There is a better way. We can learn to substitute skillful actions for these habitual and self-defeating reactions to stress and tension.

The other day I got home in the evening and noticed I was much more stressed than usual.  My cat had died; I had a very unpleasant meeting with my ex-husband; I'd been wearing uncomfortable shoes for seven hours!  I had urges to take some kind of action to make the feelings disappear.  It felt like being swept up in a tornado.  I had to do something NOW to start feeling normal again!  My mind went immediately to past medicines that had worked.  A drink...or four.  A huge dessert.  A trip to Macy's and a credit card.  But I stopped myself from going there, even though all of these things would have made me feel better in the short-term.  Why?  Because each and every one is an interference in my long-term goals of health, well-being, and financial stability.

How did I stop the madness that was threatening to ensue?  You know the answer:  using my DBT skills.  This time I pulled from the emotion regulation module and used "opposite to emotion action."  I knew I wanted to run out and do something unhealthy so that I could get instant relief from what I was experiencing.  Instead I planted my behind in a chair and just sat still.  I stopped myself from grabbing my keys and heading out the door and instead began identifying the emotions that were causing the stress and tension.  Primary emotions:  grief over the loss of my cat.  Fear around the power held by my ex-husband.  On top of these primary emotions, I had emotional reactions to the emotions themselves (called secondary emotions):  shame that I did not manage to save my cat from a terminal illness.  Shame related to the dissonance in my relationship to my ex-husband.

After identifying the emotions I felt a little less caught up in the whirlwind.  I didn't feel better, but I realized I had more control over how to respond to the feelings.  I decided to take action to make sure I didn't do something I would later regret.  I realized that I had urges to change my state of tension so I figured out how to make this change in a way that wouldn't compromise my long-term goals and values. Instead of gobbling chocolate, I exercised.  Hard.  And for a long time.  45 minute walk/run.  30 minutes of yoga and calisthenics.  Afterward, the tension was gone.  Yes! 

I'm not saying there's no place in life for indulgence.  No way!  Little indulgences are one of the things that make life worth living.  However, I want to be conscious about the times and places I grab that chocolate or credit card.  I don't want to need these things as a crutch to get me through.  Let my "crutches" be skillful, consciously chosen actions that are supportive of my well-being and personal development, and let the occasional indulgences be chosen rewards for a job well done.  Mastering the urges that come along with emotions gives such a sense of strength and serenity.