Worry about the future....recriminations about the past.....how often do you find your mind somewhere other than where you find your body? Synchronizing body and mind is so refreshing, bringing relief of stress and tension caused by focusing on any moment other than the present moment. We can use the one-mindfully skill to take the reins of our mind and place our attention on what is going on right in front of us.
The first step is noticing when our mind has drifted into a dream of the past or future. Set the intention when you arise in the morning to notice when the mind is wandering away from the present moment. This intention alone will spark moments of "waking-up" to the discursive mind...the mind that plots, re-plays, fantasizes, worries, engages in self-criticism. You get the picture.
Once you notice that mind and body are in two different places, bring your attention back to the present moment. Feel the warm water as you wash the dishes. The smoothness of the keyboard as you type. The sound of your voice as you speak, or the sound of someone else's voice as you listen. The senses only operate in the present moment. They anchor us to the here and now.
It is normal for the mind to wander. It's no problem that you will have to practice this skill again and again. Each time we make the effort and have the discipline to return to the present moment we are strengthening our power of attention. By choosing what we pay attention to we gain mastery over our lives.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Emotion Mind
In DBT skills training we talk about three states of mind: wise mind, emotion mind, and rational mind. Emotion mind is at the helm when any particular emotion is dominating our thinking. We can be in a balanced state of emotion mind (emotions are appropriate to the circumstances) or move on a continuum to an extreme state of emotion mind (feeling suicidal rather than sad or angry; feeling grandiose rather than happy or proud).
Today I noticed I was often caught up in emotion mind. I was sad about the loss of a friend who has been in my life for about twenty-three years, and angry about the circumstances of that loss. Just noticing and naming, "oh, emotion mind...sad," or "ok, emotion mind...angry," helped me to take a few steps back, identify and accept the feelings, and know that the feelings are something I am experiencing within my own mind, rather than something bigger or more powerful than me. Difficult emotions are no fun, but by remembering to notice when we are in emotion mind, then going on to name the dominant emotion/s, we are able to relate skillfully to those feelings as they take place in the present moment. We don't have to "fix" them, change them, or do anything about them. Just notice. Try it and see what happens.
By the way, identifying emotion mind is a useful thing to do when we are experiencing more benign emotions, too. Reminding ourselves, "oh, emotion mind...pleasure," (as we bite into something delicious), or "ok, emotion mind...happy" (as our loved one smiles and gives us a hug) can double the positives of the emotion in the moment, and generally enhance our emotional control over time.
Today I noticed I was often caught up in emotion mind. I was sad about the loss of a friend who has been in my life for about twenty-three years, and angry about the circumstances of that loss. Just noticing and naming, "oh, emotion mind...sad," or "ok, emotion mind...angry," helped me to take a few steps back, identify and accept the feelings, and know that the feelings are something I am experiencing within my own mind, rather than something bigger or more powerful than me. Difficult emotions are no fun, but by remembering to notice when we are in emotion mind, then going on to name the dominant emotion/s, we are able to relate skillfully to those feelings as they take place in the present moment. We don't have to "fix" them, change them, or do anything about them. Just notice. Try it and see what happens.
By the way, identifying emotion mind is a useful thing to do when we are experiencing more benign emotions, too. Reminding ourselves, "oh, emotion mind...pleasure," (as we bite into something delicious), or "ok, emotion mind...happy" (as our loved one smiles and gives us a hug) can double the positives of the emotion in the moment, and generally enhance our emotional control over time.
Friday, January 13, 2012
DBT Skills Daily
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skills are helpful in creating a life worth living. Originally conceived for women struggling with borderline personality disorder, over twenty years of research has shown that they can have positive effects in the lives of most anyone, not just those diagnosed with a mental illness. As a DBT skills trainer working in the Hudson Valley, NY, one of the agreements I made in taking the intensive training from Marsha Linehans' Behavioral Tech, LLC. was that I would practice these skills in my own daily life. I have found this regular daily intention to be remarkably grounding. In the morning I reflect on my goals for the day and choose a skill that I think might assist me. I bring it to mind and practice it throughout the day. For example, if I know I'll be dealing with a difficult family member I might choose one of the relationship effectiveness skills. If it's going to be a regular workday, I usually pick one of the mindfulness skills. There are four main sets of skills, and within these modules there are lots of skills to choose from. In addition to intentionally picking a skill every morning, I almost always find myself spontaneously turning to particular skills I need to navigate unexpected situations that arise. Give this process a try. Make friends with the skills. You can rely on them to help you to create the life you want.
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